Friday, September 10, 2010

5 Reasons to Loathe the iPad

   The apple iPod has held its place in the mp3 player market for as long as technically stunted dependent teenagers have judged a product by its popularity alone, or its mediocre storage capacities. More likely than not, you have used one of these musical contraptions. I, personally, welcome our new musical overlords.

"Well, that doesn't look like an apple at all!"

     But, something happened. Some jerk decided that Apple needed a break from rolling around in its own ego and the money of over generous parents, to focus on a product that’s more of a satirical joke at best. Is it a drawing tablet? The world’s smallest plasma TV? A Super Kindle? How the heck should I know, but I do know this:

5. Its Huge.

     When you even thought of the name "iPod", the image of a humble pea pod, or for the more geek adept, escape pods floating towards their meeting with Mr. Sun, arose. In the years following, it has only gotten smaller and smaller, if not, it was able to fit more technology into an only slightly larger size. But this thing is an iPad, which translates to "iTablet", meaning "iCant fit this crap in my pocket.”

Then again, one can be forgiven.

4. "Awesome! Using a Mac keyboard with this would make this so much ea-- oh, wait..."

   Your mice, keyboards, and printers aren't welcome here! Nothing, not even an oh-so convenient SD card slot? But wait, Apple has come to the rescue with adapters! Now you can pay for features that were already implemented beforehand by more "primitive" technologies. It’s like buying a fridge, but the cold is extra. Enjoy your dry ice and frost burn, suckers.

3. It can't be a Pad, i.e., "Tablet" either.

   If the screen on the iPad is the same material used on the iTouch or the iPhone, it is safe to say that this would make a terrible tablet. It seems to take enough damage from your oily, grease-soaked fingers jabbing at it for hours on end, god forbid it be anything even remotely sharper, like a stylus. Then again, you may need to buy the aforementioned adapters, then the "Apple approved" iPad stylus, to even attempt to slide it along the ice-slick surface of the iPad.

2. Other things do the same things better.

    You want music? Why lug this when you can use your iPod? Want video? For the same space that you would save for this you can get a Laptop that would do much more and be thousands of times more expandable. Web? Same thing. Images? Same. Apple compatibility? Wasn't there something released recently, I can’t put my finger on it...

Which bring me to the most facepalm-able aspect:

1. The iPad was born into a world dominated by the use of USB devices, many popular ones produced by Apple.

     We all know by now the Texas instruments line of graphic calculators have more expandability than this, but what perplexes me is that today we live in a world of "add-on"s, most exemplary are the apps  Apple is now famous for. Now why would something that I would consider a desktop commodity end up with nothing outside of itself to offer? It’s like buying a laptop without USB, oh, wait...

     In actuality, I for one do not consider the iPad a total failure, (Roars of shock and anger). As a desktop gadget, it works very well, most applicably as storage for documents and/or photos, for easy access and viewing, changing today’s flat-screen monitors into something a lot more tangible.

    Then again, I hear they have e-paper now…